In case you're thinking of having another baby....

(If I do end up having a third little one; this post doesn't mean that mama doesn't want you, baby :*)

It's 4 days to your due date and you are still up at 2 AM. There's basically no comfortable position since baby's head is already engaged so almost every lower part of your body experienced some kind of extra pressure.

You have passed all the exciting part of pregnancy, finding out, breaking the news to family and friends, finding out the gender, feeling the first kicks... Now can we get to the next part where we get to meet the baby?

You read birth announcement posts in your February 2016 birth club and felt envy of each one, especially the ones sharing your due date. Well, if you look closer, most of the very early birth either had twins, scheduled cesarean or induction due to one or other things. You know you should be thankful that almost two weeks ago on his 38w scan everything was fine. Still... You think it would be even better if he's here now.

The little toddler who's preparing to be a big brother is also getting more active. He has fully recovered from his common cold and diarrhoea so maybe it's a sign that this week is a better arrival time than last. Big brother is still learning things, too, though, so you have to be stern and put up with his tantrums at times; with this big baggage on your belly, sometimes it just felt too much.

Nine full months and your itchy skin has not wind down. You long for your hormones to go back to (slightly) normal and a chance to go to the dermatologist to consult the scars. The past months it was only a concern because of the pregnancy, but you want your arms and legs at least back to scar-less. Some skin treatments are off limits during pregnancy so you bear with minimum medications just to help you go by; while waiting impatiently for his arrival so you can schedule your doctor's appointment.

The furniture's gone, no couch and no bed frame for the guest room because (thankfully) someone wants to buy them. Sitting on two mattresses placed on top of each other is not the same as on a couch and not helping much for your aches here and there.

Your maternity jeans had given up on you, even the leggings are starting to as well. You have to rely on your coats to hide the fact that you wear leggings as pants (which you hate so much), even then your coats can't hide them so well anymore.

You don't miss raw fishes too much this time around, but you still long for the comfort of sleeping on your stomach. The same as the first pregnancy.

If you do wonder if you and hubby should have another baby, please remember how you were during week 37 to 40. Cuz I sure hate being a cranky person like you are now.

Sesungguhnya...

Kalo mau jujur, 

Siapa sih yang nggak ingin dicintai secara romantis

Yang modelnya penuh pujian dan kata kata manis

Diiringi lirik lagu yang katanya mengingatkan akan dirimu

Belum lagi satu kotak kenangan yang disimpan rapih dari tahun ke tahun

Tapi kamu bukan begitu

Kadang cuma bisa eyeroll kalo kamu ngga sadar aku berusaha extra manis

Masih ingin menyisip kejutan kecil di hari-hari sibuk

Masih menunggu pujian kecil yang masih menggetarkan hati 

Sejalan waktu aku berubah dan ngga lagi ribet tulis kartu ucapan

Aku tau isinya paling tidak sama semua

Sedikit yang aku buat lebih berarti daripada berlembar tulisan

Dan semua memori yang ada di kepala dan hati ini

Sudah lebih dari cukup untuk mengisi kotak kotak kenangan

Aku sayang kamu tanpa kata kata

Aku bahagia dikecup sebelum kamu pergi bekerja

Aku bersyukur kita belajar bersama jadi orang tua

Aku senang mengisi rumah kita berdua

Terima kasih untuk hidup ini

Yang kamu mau bagi denganku

Sayang