In case you're thinking of having another baby....

(If I do end up having a third little one; this post doesn't mean that mama doesn't want you, baby :*)

It's 4 days to your due date and you are still up at 2 AM. There's basically no comfortable position since baby's head is already engaged so almost every lower part of your body experienced some kind of extra pressure.

You have passed all the exciting part of pregnancy, finding out, breaking the news to family and friends, finding out the gender, feeling the first kicks... Now can we get to the next part where we get to meet the baby?

You read birth announcement posts in your February 2016 birth club and felt envy of each one, especially the ones sharing your due date. Well, if you look closer, most of the very early birth either had twins, scheduled cesarean or induction due to one or other things. You know you should be thankful that almost two weeks ago on his 38w scan everything was fine. Still... You think it would be even better if he's here now.

The little toddler who's preparing to be a big brother is also getting more active. He has fully recovered from his common cold and diarrhoea so maybe it's a sign that this week is a better arrival time than last. Big brother is still learning things, too, though, so you have to be stern and put up with his tantrums at times; with this big baggage on your belly, sometimes it just felt too much.

Nine full months and your itchy skin has not wind down. You long for your hormones to go back to (slightly) normal and a chance to go to the dermatologist to consult the scars. The past months it was only a concern because of the pregnancy, but you want your arms and legs at least back to scar-less. Some skin treatments are off limits during pregnancy so you bear with minimum medications just to help you go by; while waiting impatiently for his arrival so you can schedule your doctor's appointment.

The furniture's gone, no couch and no bed frame for the guest room because (thankfully) someone wants to buy them. Sitting on two mattresses placed on top of each other is not the same as on a couch and not helping much for your aches here and there.

Your maternity jeans had given up on you, even the leggings are starting to as well. You have to rely on your coats to hide the fact that you wear leggings as pants (which you hate so much), even then your coats can't hide them so well anymore.

You don't miss raw fishes too much this time around, but you still long for the comfort of sleeping on your stomach. The same as the first pregnancy.

If you do wonder if you and hubby should have another baby, please remember how you were during week 37 to 40. Cuz I sure hate being a cranky person like you are now.

Sesungguhnya...

Kalo mau jujur, 

Siapa sih yang nggak ingin dicintai secara romantis

Yang modelnya penuh pujian dan kata kata manis

Diiringi lirik lagu yang katanya mengingatkan akan dirimu

Belum lagi satu kotak kenangan yang disimpan rapih dari tahun ke tahun

Tapi kamu bukan begitu

Kadang cuma bisa eyeroll kalo kamu ngga sadar aku berusaha extra manis

Masih ingin menyisip kejutan kecil di hari-hari sibuk

Masih menunggu pujian kecil yang masih menggetarkan hati 

Sejalan waktu aku berubah dan ngga lagi ribet tulis kartu ucapan

Aku tau isinya paling tidak sama semua

Sedikit yang aku buat lebih berarti daripada berlembar tulisan

Dan semua memori yang ada di kepala dan hati ini

Sudah lebih dari cukup untuk mengisi kotak kotak kenangan

Aku sayang kamu tanpa kata kata

Aku bahagia dikecup sebelum kamu pergi bekerja

Aku bersyukur kita belajar bersama jadi orang tua

Aku senang mengisi rumah kita berdua

Terima kasih untuk hidup ini

Yang kamu mau bagi denganku

Sayang

The second (time) we found out

(written on June 5th, 2015)

Last Sunday I was very sleepy during the day that I had to take a nap with Nathan. I ended up sleeping even longer than him. Once I woke up and went to the toilet, I saw some blood so I thought my period's about to start. It was not expected until (at least) June 3rd, but I supposed it just come whenever it wants. So I put some pads. Apparently nothing more came. Also nothing the next day either.

On Wednesday morning I went to body pump class and found some blood again. I though this is for sure my period. It's June 3rd anyway. But... then again, nothing more. That morning after gym I bought a test pack just in case. All this while still thinking of PCOS and how our doctor mentioned that I might need to see her again next time we'd try to get pregnant.

Today is my birthday. This morning I decided to just use the test pack. It's okay if it's negative anyway. Just to make sure. Well... much to my surprise, there were two lines. The second line was a bit faint so I brought it to hubby right away and asked, "Does this look like two lines to you?"

It sure does.

Oh.

Hello, little jellybean <3

Encouragement and support

 I read somewhere that for a mother to be the best 'school' for her children, she should always be in top emotional condition. When one is unhappy, she would reflect the emotion to her children. It's very hard to keep oneself happy on their own, especially when there are so many things to take care of and thought about. 

Our Baby turns One

8 months old

aww how can you not fall in love with this kid?

Hari ini Nathan pas 8 bulan dan hari ini pertama kalinya dia berdiri sendiri. Biasanya dia manjat pager playpen buat berdiri, hari ini dia pull himself up dan stayed upright for like 5 seconds.

Akhir2 ini drooling banyak bgt ternyata bener mau nambah gigi. Satu gigi di atas ud cut out mau keluar. Siap2 deh kegigit lagi while he's getting used to the new addition. :)

Mulai minggu kemarin sleeping routine nya udah bener2 kebentuk. Makin ke sini makin dicepetin dan dia makin enak bobonya kyny. Jadi biasanya sekitar jam 6 gitu Nathan makan malem, sebelumnya diaper change dulu. Terus boleh main sampe nanti jam stgh8 sikat gigi, pamit sama papa, terus ke kamar buat dibacain Goodnight Moon, breastfeeding, terus ditaro di box (matiin lampu) dan dinyanyiin sampe bobo, usually takes about 20 mins.
Kalo misalnya jadwal mandi biasanya mandi dulu baru makan malem.

Speaking about food, mulai bisa makan yang teksturnya lebih chunky. Emaknya belum lancar blending buat tekstur yg pas jadi nyobainnya baru di jar food yg 8 months and up. Biasanya pagi2 bangun terus makan, abis nap pertama ditawarin lagi sampe ga mau. Abis nap kedua (biasanya bangun jam 4 gitu) dikasi puree buah. Baru terakhir jam 6 dikasih makan malem.

Things are settling down nicely. Cuma agak anxious karena sekitar 3 minggu lagi mau ke Paris bawa bayi... terus in about a month pertama kali long haul flight menuju Indonesia. Semoga anak kecil cooperative deh ya amin amin.

Oh one last note, beberapa hari terakhir tiap abis bangun pagi dan dibawa ke bed mama papa, Nathan suka nyamperin mamanya nyusu (of course) tapi setelah itu dia suka main2 dan crawl back towards me and give me a kiss :') I love him. So much.

The difficulties

Taking care of your own baby by yourself is of course not an impossible task. Every time he does something or reaches a milestone, you feel more happiness knowing you helped him arrive there.

It's not all smiles and joy all the time, though. Sometimes you have to struggle through things, searching here and there on the internet or books trying to figure things out, or when all your tries fail, you simply just do your best. It can be tiring and also make you feel guilty for feeling tired or whiney. :')

I think one of the most difficult thing in having just two persons responsible for a tiny human being, is the lack of parties to blame ^^; it's easy to grovel and thinking how things could be done differently if the other person does this or that. Also it takes a great control of emotion when you hear the other person whines about something; cause you can't help thinking that you are to blame.

And sometimes you wish you can spend some quality time together.