Randomness

Last week was a fun week. On Wednesday we went out of the house around 8 pm, changed out of our ready-to-sleep attire and went to eat pasta. Afterwards we dropped by Pathé Buitenhof for a Sneak Preview, which was a movie we'd only know once we're inside. The movie was from Sweden with Dutch subtitle. I was quite surprised that I was able to follow the story. It was okay but took too long so we got back home before it's finished.

Friday evening we went to eat at Set Genki Tei, I think it might be listed as our new favorite. We watched Jack the Giant Slayer then biked home even though the wind seemed unwilling to let us go home.

Then Saturday we dropped by Pasar Malam Indonesia to meet some friends there, after that we watch Hitchcock (yes, we do abuse our Pathé Unlimited cards). While we were biking home, again fighting the strong wind, we decided to stop by one of the bars around Plein, between Korte and Lange Poten. We picked one place got in and ordered beer, baileys and nachos. It felt laid back, warm and funny to be random at times.

At some point we feel content with custom and familiarity. I had to work for this since the first time I got here because I was faced with so many changes at once, so I tried to find my/our right pace, schedule and get to know things. Now that those things seemed to have been resolved, it felt really nice doing something new, having more options and feeling okay with it knowing that everything else are in order. It's even better for me now, because whether it's in order or not, I know one thing that would not change, it's his presence beside me. XO.

Feeling low

After months of delay, my period finally arrived last night (or this morning, more specifically). I was sad and confused, honestly. I don't get what's wrong with my body, and my mind keeps thinking the worst of it. Yes I'm learning to be patient but when you can't help getting your hopes up, sure is so hard to deal with disappointment.

People said that you shouldn't really think about it, don't stress about it, but that's not so easy to do. I'm done looking forward to other things, by now most things I can let go of, I can say it will happen when it happens, but this one... I am really hopeful and really look forward to. To make things worse, I started recognizing some symptoms too, maybe it's just my mind tricking me somehow.

I thought maybe I need distractions, but I don't really know what can distract me. I don't want to waste time feeling sorry for myself, I don't really, I am just feeling sad. Tomorrow I'm going to the doctor to at least ask, originally it was meant to make sure if I'm really pregnant, but now that I knew I'm not, I'm only going to ask what's wrong and seek further help if needed. Initially I was happy and excited to go to the doctor, now mostly I'm just a little curious, and a lot sad and afraid.

I applied for something today just to let myself think that I made an effort.